Inevitably, you being in the video industry, will be asked to do something for nothing. Hah! What a ridiculous understatement that was. Let me restart.

You have talent and/or gear. Everybody wants a piece. Some don’t want to pay anything for it, and all want to pay less. Sound familiar?

Well it’s about time these freeloaders got some ground rules, because every inch given is a foot taken.

This is your guide to those clients that either want you to do pro-bono work, or want to slash your estimate…say 90%. Of course, I do know there are many projects that pay little to nothing that are very valuable to you for a number of reasons, not the least of which, is that they make you happy.  I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about the souless, godless, piece-of-crap, hot, sweaty, what am I doing with my life, turds that somehow slipped through your poop filter.

Before we start, here’s a list of bald face lies you have heard or will hear shortly.

Part 1: Lies and the lying liars…

This project is gonna bust you outta this town

It most certainly will not. In fact, you may not even have to leave this town after this project, because you’ll probably want to work in real estate. This statement is considered a freeloading client classic, and as such is registered at the Smithsonian of BS.

You’re my guy for the next paid project

If you learn one thing from this list it’s this… there is no other project. The “other” project relies on this guy conning someone else into giving him more money. Most people won’t do it twice. Also, if there is another project, he will con someone else into doing it for free again, ’cause this town is awash in free labor.

This project is gonna be real easy, a.k.a. you’ll be out by noon

Puh-lease! Have you ever been out by noon? Sure, if the call time was 3am. All productions take far less time in the mind of a freeloading client. As a rule of thumb, take whatever time estimate you’ve been given and double it. That’s close. Adjust accordingly. Tell your wife you won’t be home for supper.

This will be great for your demo reel

How is shooting this dance recital gonna go on your reel? You’re probably not gonna put this guy’s keynote speaking engagement on your reel, unless you keep a reel of just zoomed in, back of the room, toastmasters stuff. Then feel free. Rule of thumb – if you didn’t bother to bring your tripod, this shouldn’t make your reel. Exception: Action sports videography i.e. kite surfing, land luging, and skydiving always make the reel. This tells people your edgy.

You’re going to meet some very influential people

The most influential person on your shoot is the guy that influenced you to work for free. The other influential people literally looked at your sweaty black shirt and assumed you weren’t influential. Wealthy, potential clientele tend to not look to the guy working his a** off as who to speak to about future projects. That’s probably your client, the guy in the suit. He knows production ’cause of course, he’s ordering you around.

The next one is paid, and there are tons more

No it isn’t and no there aren’t.

The food will be great.

…because when recalling the great foods you’ve had over your lifespan, they’ve mostly been from production work. This one is actually relative. Expectations are so incredibly low for me now (gas station egg salad sandwiches low) that you almost can’t underwhelm me.

You’ll have plenty of time to edit it

The phrase above is always followed by, “So when you do you think I’ll have something I can see?” If this project isn’t due within 48 hours, I’d be totally surprised.

These changes will take you no time and are easy

For this one you have to understand where the client is coming from. It’s not going to take HIM any time to make these changes so he has no frame of reference. He is literally just assuming you hit a button and Steve Jobs makes magic happen. One time, just ask your client how much time he thinks it might take. Make him pick a specific amount of time in minutes. Then, ask him what he’s basing that answer on. He may get a nose bleed. Also, just what would this client consider a “hard” change? Discuss.

This is the last round of changes

It always amazes me how many times a client will kickback a pro-bono project for absolute minutiae. Why does his entire family and office get to have an opinion on your edit? The balls people have! How many cooks are in this kitchen? Isn’t the logo big enough already?

Part 2:  The Freeloading clients bill of non-rights

1. The freeloading client must pay for all meals.
2. The freeloading client may suggest changes to a submitted project only if generously asked for by you.
3. If no opinion on the final project is asked for, the freeloading client must say nothing, even if they hate it, and must accept the production gift smiling, as if you baked them cookies that they didn’t particularly care for.
4. At no point should there ever be a 2nd round of changes.
5. If over 50% of the project is modified in the 1st round of changes, it’s considered an entirely new project that you can turn down without feeling bad about it.
6. If the freeloading producer decides to put your work up proudly on their website or favorite social networking page, they are obligated to delete any negative comments about the project, because not doing so is just a proxy for them to make comments on your free work. Many of the negative suggestions would’ve been fixed had you cared or been paid.
7. The freeloading client must loudly state whenever the subject turns to video production, how gracious they were for your donated time.
8. It should make the freeloading producer sick to their stomach to have to beg you to stay late.
9. It is not polite to ask for more free work.
10. Seriously, nothing but rainbows and fairy dust should come out of your mouth when talking about the project.

Halelujah…where’s the tylenol?